That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Randomize
