Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
Randomize
