That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
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