you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
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