I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
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