Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
Randomize
