i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
Randomize
