Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
Randomize
