Yo dont text me then not text me
and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
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