he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
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