I'm so fucking centered right now
I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
Randomize
