is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
Randomize
