Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
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