he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
Randomize
