I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
Randomize
