U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
Randomize
