We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
Randomize
