i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
Randomize
