i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
Randomize
