What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
yup put them legs up on your shoulders and eat her like some folgers
eat her like coffee?
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
Randomize
