Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
Randomize
