If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
Randomize
