lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
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