So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
Randomize
