Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
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