I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
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