remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
I need water and some morals
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
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