It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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