Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
Randomize
