You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
Randomize
