No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
When did angry sex become our thing?
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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