her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
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