i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
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