just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
How's work?
Spinning.
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
Randomize
