I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
Randomize
