Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
we dont know what were doing after yet. first up we have 90 beers and a party kit and fun hats.
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
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