Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
Randomize
