he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
Randomize
