if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
Randomize
