We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
I think your dad took our porno
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
