That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
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