Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
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