All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
Randomize
