I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
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