i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
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