nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
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