margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
Randomize
