apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
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