I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
Brb crying the tears of my youth
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
Randomize
