Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
now i know why i became what i already was.
Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Randomize
