If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
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