Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
Randomize
