In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
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