just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
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