I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
