I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
Randomize
