Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
Randomize
