it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
I have all the porn. Be there soon
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